Joy that lasts forever…
Sometimes I am sure that’s a myth. The whole Journey song wedding perfect relationship thing that I thought I had. Really thought I had.
Now the ring is gone, and I have nothing but old memories, journal entries and songs that bring tears to my eyes within only the opening chords (if I am alone, that is). And the sad thing is that I kind of enjoy it. I kind of enjoy being the girl who is stuck in the past. As fast as you moved on, I promised myself I, for once, wouldn’t. I haven’t, but now I can’t help but feel that I am still entrenched in my past.
The romantic feelings are mostly gone, but the memory of the hurt is still fresh. It is so, so hard to open myself back up. I remember all the things we did so well. The things that fooled me into thinking everything was going to be okay. Now I can’t trust myself to know again when it is good. To have faith in something being good– or even the hope that it could be. I sabotage relationships before they even begin.
I’m half the man I used to be.
This I feel as the dawn, it fades to gray…
